you THINK you know...but you have NO IDEA. [entries|friends|calendar]
I'm Michelle & you're not

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say hello to my little friend(s)? [04 Jun 2007|11:18pm]
[ mood | tired ]

i feel like my back yard is a tropical rain forest. every day or so, there's something crazy & new. and then of course, there's always the leaves. thanks so much to candy & ray for the awesome leaf blower/sucker/mulcher. i can't wait to use it like the beaners at my office park!

but back to the exotic stuff. last week, after the toilet fiasco (the day after i believe), i was introduced to this:
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i haven't decided whether to call him Harry (notice the mink stole surrounding his abdomen) or Rudolph (notice the ANTLERS). what in prehistoric hell IS this thing? when he flew up i thought he was a bird with a broken wing. once he landed on the chair next to me i didn't know whether to scream or introduce myself. he's practically a person. it was surreal - like i actually expected him to start speaking to me like that roach on those old Joe's Apartment commercials on mtv. i think he might have winked at me. bittersweet memories, that is all, i'm taking, with me - i haven't seen him since that night.

the next day i come home from work on my lunch break to these:
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tons & tons of ants swarming from one side of my patio walkway that leads to the drive way to the other side. if eddie (my smallest chihuahua) would have been standing there they could have covered him & picked the meat clean off his bones in a matter of minutes. there were SO MANY FLIPPING ANTS!!! i started naming them names like Happy, Bashful, Grumpy, Sleepy, Sneezy, Dopey and Doc, but then i ran out. besides, they would fly away as fast as i could name them. and no, they are not TERMITES. they are ANTS. i am absolutely 100% positive of this, because they have a head, abdomen & thorax. this is not so with termites. plus, i've seen enough ants in my lifetime to know the difference. and the fuckers bit me.

so now i have fleas (or my dogs do, rather), swarming ants, a moody septic system, & prehistoric roaches. being a homeowner is all that i ever dreamed of. AND MORE.

btw - update? toilet is fine. i bought some septi packs & flushed one. i got draino for my slow draining tub. also, at the suggestion of my brother, Foul, i got sevindust 5 for the dogs & 10 for the yard. now if it would only not rain so i could use it. it has to stay dry for three days afterwards.

anna has left for hawaii. she should be in san diego right now - where she will be shipping her car out of - & i am jealous. my social life has come to a screeching halt. not for lack of invites - its just hard to get motivate when you're going out to meet people by yourself. i'm pretty much a loner, but when i go out in public i have to go in a group of two or more. although strangely enough, i do not need a bathroom escort as do most girls. nor do i even need my friends company all night long. its just the getting there part thats important. i know, i know. weird. we'll just chalk it up to another one of my bizarre afflictions.

my OCD is in overdrive right now because we're moving office suites (to upstairs) at work. everything bothers me. example: allison & i were moving chairs for the conference table. we decided to leave them in our office until the hardwood floors have been refinished. we had some black leather squared backs & round backs. i had to put all the round backed chairs next to each other, and the squared backs next to each other. stupid things like that. we were cleaning out the drawers in the kitchen & we have a shitload of plastic utensils (which we should probably just through away since we have REAL ones, but that would be wasteful). i had to make sure that all the knives were separated from all the forks & spoons. i had to marry three different mayonnaise jars because there were three of them that were the same brand & it bothered me. i even have all my colored paperclips in their own compartment - by color & size.

i am peeling. two weekends of pool time have done a job on me. i should invest in some sunscreen.

i had a dream the other night that i got married to an exboyfriend. i even remember our registry. in waking life, i'm mostly perfectly content alone. sometimes i wonder if i could tolerate another person around me most of a 24/7 day/week. so it confounds me when i have these vivid dreams of me & said individual. perhaps its my life in an alternate universe? i dunno. just weird that i can remember my bridesmaides dresses & all that crappola. most of the times my dreams are really hazy & i can remember pieces here & there that are totally random & unrelated. if i tried to string them together into it a sequence of events would be like some weird David Lynch film or something.

my friend teresita will be here from san diego next weekend. i'm excited to finally have a guest from out of town to see my new place! she's actually going to alabama to visit a friend, but they're making a trip here as well. she's ultra rad & i want to take her to something local & fun, but a little off the beaten path. in other words, no seville or crap like that. any suggestions???

speaking of beaners (NOT YOU teresita - i'm talking about the leaf blowing thing from earlier), here are my little latino heart throbs. thanks again to candy & ray, for the fun mini-sombrero from mexico. it amuses me greatly. (not so much the dogs though.) these pics alone almost makes my missing the cruise not so bad.
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Menudo Chihuahua con Queso (con sombrero)

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Eddie Munster (con sombrero)

touch me - i dare you

so you had a bad day [29 May 2007|11:38pm]
[ mood | cranky ]

tonight has sucked balls. my day went perfectly fine, work included. but its been downhill since i pulled to my driveway afterwards & saw that the mailman somehow managed to miss the red flag he's supposedly trained to spot & therefore all my house bills (including first house payment) are just chilling at the end of my driveway. what? did he decide he needed to take another day off? was a three day weekend not long enough for him?

then i get an upset tummy. i think its because we ate bday cake today at work & icing, while yummy, does strange things to my stomach. yeah, besides making it fat i mean.

i talk to my mom & find out max, my ancient pomeranian, is not doing so well. he vomited a few times while i was visiting with her this weekend & he's having mucous (i don't care to check the spelling right now so f off if it bothers you) like poopies. the last one she saw was bloody. thats similar to what happened to jazzy shortly before she passed away. now, we just had to put my cat down about a month ago - i'm not ready to see another animal go at this point.

i decide i want a beer. just one little beer to relax me so i can maybe go to sleep early. i go outside & sit at my patio table to let the dogs out before bed & decide to have a cigarette. (yeah, so i shouldn't be smoking. but its the one vice i refuse to let go of until i'm done dieting. since dieting seems to be a permanent thing for me, i don't think i'll be quitting tomorrow or the next day. i only smoke outside & i promise not to blow it on you so again, f off if this bothers you.) i promptly knock over my full beer onto my brand new pack of capri 120's & soak them. grrrrr.

i decide its time to just go to bed. i make my nightly trip to the bathroom to do all the things you do before you go to bed. i flush my toilet & it begins to overflow - no POUR - out onto the floor - which is hardwood by the way, with no signs of stopping. i don't know shit about toilets except for how to use one & flush one. and clean. i do know how to clean them. but fuck. how do i turn off the water? what do i do? so i'm running around grabbing all my freshly laundered towels to mop up the mess. its already began to make its way out the door & onto the carpet (which i'd vaccumed only hours earlier) in the living room. it finally stops. i have about five large soiled bath towels. i throw them in my tub because i don't know what else to do with them. should i be doing laundry when my toilet is messed up? why, oh why, is my plunger out in the freaking dark shed in the back yard? why is my toilet overflowing when i've only been here a month & haven't flushed anything unnatural? why did i settle on a house with one toilet when i knew i always wanted at a bath & a half at the very least? what if i have to use the bathroom before i can fix the toilet? will i have to use the yard like my dogs (thank goodness i got a privacy fence) or drive to an all night facility? whataburger perhaps? and speaking of my yard, why are there fleas out there? (my dogs have never had flea problems before i moved them here.) why didn't i notice there was a hole in the wall behind my washer & dryer before i moved in? is that why they decided to throw the w/d in as part of the sale? in hopes no one would climb on a chair & peer over the back of them to see it? why did i buy this house? why did i love that huge historical magnolia tree in the front yard that dumped around thirteen 30 gallon hefty bags of leaves over the past couple of weeks? why didn't i use sunscreen this weekend? (i'm getting the pre-peel itch right now.)

but back to the string of luck stuff. i talk to my mom after all this crap, who tells me my brother just called her because he's locked out of his bedroom. he has a super turd of a roommate, nearly comparable to the last one i had in san diego, that messes with his stuff. so he put a keyed entry lock on his door today & it worked fine. until he got home from school & tried to get in. he suspects something is broken off in the lock. so now he's waiting for a locksmith to come over & allow him back into his bedroom. also, this roommate owes him around $1000 in back bills, but he's on the lease so my brother can't technically do anything to him. (now that sounds REAL familiar - give it another thousand & change, make his roommate a flaming pathological liar drunk mental case, & my brother is now me with longer hair & a dick.)

so its 11:30 pm, much later than the early to bed start i'd planned on, & i am sitting here retracing my karmic steps of the day. did i forget to smile, or say "please" &/or "thank you" to someone? did i say a bad word - you know, one of the "forbidden" ones? did i laugh at someone's shortcomings or downfall? (i knew shouldn't have read today & enjoyed it!) what the hell?! ...maybe it was that R-rated bulletin i posted earlier. the lady raving about penis & vagina power... that was probably it. i blame it on the penis.

touch me - i dare you

mothballs [20 Sep 2006|03:31pm]
[ mood | bored ]

*sneezes. wipes dust off.*

its musty here.

i miss you LJ.

touch me - i dare you

the rainbow connection. and stuff. [20 Oct 2005|07:47pm]
[ mood | tired ]

haley on one tree had on the same green rainbow t that kirsten bell had on vmars last night. and i noticed. i watch too much t.v. but at least i'm perceptive.

favorite quotes of the night:
hottie mchotterson jason lee (my name is earl) calling his foreign language student "mr. alop lop". and then his brother asking him to call karma & earl saying "it's karma, not lassie."

hurly (lost) waiting for the dog to poop with sun to see if he ate her wedding ring. her commenting on it being stupid & him saying how dogs would eat anything - he had once left some smarties in his change area & later his dog pooped a buck 35 in nickels.

i've been keeping a lot of things to myself lately. promising things. shitty things. nothings. i thought i'd take a stab at sharing.

i'm in love love love with my tegan & sara cd. especially speak slow. consider me fully on the bandwagon.

i went to see my lawyer wednesday. i'm one step closer to shedding almost $60,000 in misc. debt, and owning 7-10 years of bad credit. that's the positive & the negative. the neutral is this: it would be a waste of time to sue KIM ROBINSON. (that's right. i said it. why should i try & protect her freaking feelings? she didn't mine.) reason being this: even if she DID pay me back the TWO GRAND she owes me (and thats strictly bills, not all the extra shit i did for her sorry pathological lying alcoholic ass), the state would probably get it any way due to the situation at hand. HOWEVER, according to my lawyer, its entirely likely that the state of florida will sue her for the amount, since its in my paperwork as a loss. *crosses fingers* i will happily provide the courts with the work info she volunteered to me, our signed repayment "agreement" (one she hand wrote & one i made official with her signature), back up bills, and her home phone & mailing address. i hope you pay bitch.

...why am i so angry at this? why can't i just let it go? because a solid grand of that was money MY MOTHER lent her when her own fucking mother wouldn't give two squirts of piss for her, that's why. why should MY MOM get screwed in this situation? its people like you kim, that make a mockery of charity. and a chump of kind generous people like my mother & i.
damn. i'm so tempted to go on to share all the sordid details of the 3 months of hell i spent with this ... thing. and to tell of all the betrayed confidences of her "friends" (5o% of which are probably actual true stories,), like why this person secretly wants to dump this person, this person has v.d., this person wants to quit, this person wants to move out, this person thinks this person has an over inflated ego & is jealous, this person is immature etc. etc. etc. i could, but i won't. but know this: these things are only a small representation of why i completely loathe you. and HOW DARE you try to tell me you have leukemia again while i was sick as a dog & stressed out from the financial and mental situation you were putting me in. i can't believe you'd LIE ABOUT LIFE & DEATH. god - maybe jason was right about that afterall... that is truly pathetic & sad. you are such a drama whore. i feel so sorry for your children.

enough. i'm wasting my space here. ...just know that even if the state DOESN'T come after you, KARMA WILL. i have a huge hunch it already has.'s the roommate situation treating you anyway?

in other news, my boss still loves me. i've been working A LOT. she's pitching me to the big dogs. trying to get me the money that UWF would pay were i to get that job. there's an opportunity to manage the office in Biloxi indefinitely, or to be a document control manner of the blue prints & site notes that are continuously pouring in with no signs of slacking off. i don't know if i really want to do the biloxi thing - i'd have to live there all week & come home on the weekends & traffic is HELL. but if the price is right... who knows.
regardless, i think i've made a really good friend in her. she just gets me. its rare that i can work with women who just get me. we were making names for people in the office the other day. this guy brandon comes in to our office with his wireless cell phone thingie & this robotech looking flip up shades. we kept calling him Tron. maybe you just had to be there, but it was funny shit. & there's this other guy that always circles around by your office door when he needs something. so she calls him Tara, short for taradactyl. (incidentally, i just looked up "taradactyl" to make sure i was spelling it properly, and found this little nugget on urban

1. Taradactyl
-when a girl is giving head, and is beating off two guys at the same time.

just thought you should know... the minds eye visual is funny, yes?

i talked to chuck yesterday. he & jason are traveling AGAIN. but we're meeting for lunch next week. and he invited me to gallery nights to see some of his work at ron's shop. ...i think i'll bring my camera along & start a project. i really wanna put this media suite i bought to use. i'm suddenly all about documentaries. (by the way - watch Tarnation. especially you david lynch fans. he would be proud.)

well i've been coming back & forth to this entry over the past couple of hours all the while doing other things. i think its safe to say i made a successful stab. and so i'm retreating again.


touch me - i dare you

[24 Sep 2005|11:37pm]

LJ Interests meme results

  1. ben folds:
    too much talent for one man to possess.
  2. danny elfman:
    see ben folds. this man is a pure genius. he's currently the only reason i would buy an entirely scored movie soundtrack.
  3. dawn weiner:
    some days i feel like dawn weiner. and she makes jello and dresses cool.
  4. foo fighters:
    dave should marry me.
  5. indie artists:
    go indie.
  6. jimmy fallon:
    not so much lately. i should probably take him out of my interests...
  7. music:
  8. pro choice:
    keep your laws off our bodies.
  9. sleeping:
    in. sleeping IN. i should change that.
  10. the residents:
    Watching ICKY FLIX or merely listening to the Residents while under the influence of alcohol or uncontrolled substances might result in... i dunno. probably some really freaky side effects.

Enter your LJ user name, and 10 interests will be selected from your interest list.

touch me - i dare you

tearing down this place [08 Sep 2005|02:21am]
[ mood | contemplative ]

i was playing dominoes with my mom - taking a break from our usual marathon scrabble sessions - and playing some itunes. the past week & a half we've had cnn, msnbc, the weather channel and various other news/weather outlets on the tv 24/7 almost. i thought tunes would be a nice break. so i'm jamming, & crafting extremely intelligent domino stratagies mind you, when this song comes on & reminds me of what i'm trying to take a break from. freedy johnston's "tearing down this place".

Knock it down, take it away
We've got work tearing down this place
Take it away, take it away, take it away

Here's the room where they lay awake
Through a complicated night
He was staring at the wall
And she cried and cried and cried
Under a roof that held the real rain out
And covered up the sound
He built her every wall
And we have to tear it down

Knock it down, take it away
We've got work tearing down this place
Built for a ghost, haunted by love, left to decay

Knock it down, take it away
We've got work tearing down this place
Take it away, take it away, take it away

Here's the door he would walk right out
On an undecided night
He was spelling out her name
In the artificial lights
Through this window she could see her man
Staring at the town
He built her every wall
And we have to tear it down

Knock it down, take it away
We've got work tearing down this place
Built for a ghost, haunted by love, left to decay

Knock it down, take it away
We've got work tearing down this place
Take it away, take it away, take it away

or something like that anyway... :( some songs just have a way of hitting you at the right time. good or bad.

so... this past weekend we held a large garage sale. made almost $300 & donated half to the Red Cross. we also had a lot of clothing and a few newer toys left that we carted up to a church that was making runs to Mississippi for those in need. i sent an email asking for info. on training for the Disaster Relief team. there are some required courses, but many of them are home study. i figured i could at least start on that. i'm so anxious to get involved. everytime a tragedy like this happens, i just want to get of my butt & go & help wherever i'm needed. especially being so close to this one. last friday i was SO CLOSE to going to wal-mart, loading my car with waters & crackers or some kind of compact food & driving 2 1/2 hours to biloxi to help out my damn self. (due to the gas situation - oh yeah, if you don't know, there IS NONE - road closures, and the desire of my mother, i didn't.) i'm so tired of hearing they aren't getting any help. i realize the situation in New Orleans is HORRENDOUS, and they defintely need more help considering the circumstances, but in my opinon we shouldn't even be SHORT on reserves & guards & stuff for our own fucking country. why do you think it is that we are? oh don't let me get started on my political rant. being back in the bible belt republican south has definitely been wearing on my last nerve. if i see one more damn W sticker on a car i think i'll just ram into them.
ANYway... i'm getting all sidetracked. but i do have to add, its pretty pathetic when you've even got republican Joe Scarborough (spelling?) voicing utter disdain at the way things have (not) been handled.

today i mowed the lawn with our new riding lawn mower. and made homemade biscuits & cheese grits to go with our boiled shrimp at supper. i am truly back in the south.

my brother left for my dad's yesterday morning. he's going to the mountains in colorado with him & his wife. (i simply can't call her my stepmother. i don't even return phone calls to my father, & certainly have no desire to meet her. in this lifetime anyway.) but i hope he has a good time regardless. its nice to have some alone time with my mother.
i can't BELIEVE she'll be 60 next month. she so doesn't seem it. my mom is the bomb diggity, yo.

i found out from my friend val that our friend ellen (whom i had fully intended to move to L.A. with until she was unable to find a teaching job in time for the new school year) got a job in L.A. THE DAY BEFORE school in San Diego started. so she moved to there last minute & is staying at val's until she finds a place of her own. dammit. DAMmit. DAMMIT! that was my last chance for california. i really wanted to give it a go in L.A. before making a decision to move back to Florida once & for all. but i guess it just wasn't meant to be. there must be a reason for it all... other than playing dominoes with my mom i mean. well, theres that, & the losing my sanity due to my previous living situation. ... c'est la vie. or whatever.

i caught up on a bunch of emails tonight, but still haven't made any phone calls. i've rested my head for a month now. i think its time to join the land of the living again. so you'll hear from me soon. consider this a warning.

i had a lot of stuff to write, but i'm suddenly very tired. it's only 2 am. and i haven't been going to bed until after 3... i guess its finally catching up with me.

touch me - i dare you

help [31 Aug 2005|11:02pm]
[ mood | sad ]

We, in Florida, know of hurricane devastation, but not of this magnitude. Give what we can... be that money, good thoughts, or prayers...

  • More Photos at Nola.Com

    "Dead Bodies Floating In The Water"
    "At Risk for West Nile Virus, Typhoids, Snake Bites, Bug Bites"
    "No Clean Water-You cant see where you are walking"
    "Toilets do not work"
    "No Food, Dead Animals From Farms"

    -Thank you for reading this-
    Click here If you can give to The Red Cross

    or here -
    if you can donate to Pensacola's the Elijah House to feed the newly displaced from New Orleans/ Louisiana/Mississippi in our area.
  • 2 perverts| touch me - i dare you

    it's like thunder... lightening... [16 Aug 2005|04:34am]
    [ mood | content ]

    i love home. its thundered every day since i've gotten here. its rained some too, but mostly, it just threatens too. such a drastic difference. breaks the monotony.

    my stuff got here last friday (early - it was supposed to arrive saturday or monday) & i've been busy unpacking/settling/repacking ever since. my mom INSISTED on giving me the master bedroom - even though i don't plan to be here long - because i have more furniture/bigger bed, etc. than her. i tried to refuse, but she'd already moved her furniture into the spare the night before i got here. my mom is overly nice. if thats possible. she totally is. so i'm in the master bedroom, which i spent two days repainting. it wouldn't have taken so long were my furniture not in the way. it was a complete mess a few days ago. but we're finally getting things straightened up. we can walk around comfortably again, w/out bumping into one of my 25 boxes or furniture. yay.

    i haven't really been in contact with anyone yet, so if i've ignored you, please do not feel like a unique snowflake because you aren't. :) i sent my friend chuck an email to tell him i was home & i wanted to hook up, but missed his call last friday & was supposed to call him the following day. (only then my stuff arrived.) i've seen anna once & talked to her a few times. she invited me to go out with the group a couple of different times this past weekend, but i just wasn't settled enough. (i wouldn't be able to locate an outfit if my social life depended on it.) i haven't called candy (but i'm thinking of you grrl!). i haven't called deneese. i haven't called gigi. which reminds me that i haven't called charlie, who i've been meaning to call since i found him in NY via myspace. i forgot to call tina to let her know that i arrived safely - although she called earlier tonight & thru crappy reception (no i canNOT hear you now with cingular in this house) i said i had & that i'd call her later. and got sidetracked/forgot of course. i need to call lala too. (hi lala.) i haven't called any of my other san diego friends, and i haven't really even left the house much. i was going to go catch on or two of robb's gigs, but have just been too wrapped up in organizing & sweating balls. (don't get me wrong - i LOVE the change of weather/scenery, but humidity still is and always will be the suck.) i plan to catch him this weekend at the jerry garcia tribute thing.

    my mom took this week off to spend with me & we've laughed A LOT. i feel much saner in my new/old environment. no regrets. except i've gotten snarky with her a few times, and i hate that because i'm truly enjoying being home & around my family. but sometimes the dogs (five - count them FIVE of them)/clutter (my stuff plus late spring cleaning & yard sale prep/heat (did i mention its humid?) just irk me. anyway, tomorrow we're going out to dinner with my mamaw & aunt ruthie. which means i'll have to wear something other than target pj bottoms & t-shirts. and will have to actually fix my hair & put on makeup & go out in public. boooo... oh well. i guess its time i ventured out. i need to go establish a bank account for one. seek a lawyer for the upcoming bankruptcy plan. and next week i'll start seeking employment. booooo again. damn the man.

    i am getting very impatient with not having DSL. my mooching off the neighbors signal ended a few days ago - can't seem to pick it up anymore. so i'm limited to this freaking back-up AOL account on my moms slow as shit computer. grrrr. it makes it nearly impossible to catch up with how my real life & other cyber friends are doing. when it finally gets hooked up later this week i will probably spend an entire day just surfing because i can.

    this blog is pointless. theres no scoop or big news or revelations. its just a brain dump. i'm a busy little hermit. but i'm happy.

    1 pervert| touch me - i dare you

    weekend ramblings [01 Aug 2005|11:03am]
    [ mood | impatient ]

    Saturday night/early Sunday morning

    i can't sleep. i'm staring at one of two channels that i can "pick up" now that my cable is gone. i've watched a CSI & a couple of West Wings. despite their critical acclaim, i never watched these shows until now, when the alternative is to do without. they're actually both really good!
    i wish i had the internet right now. it would give me something productive to do. like look for low-paying jobs or map my trip or something. (you'd think i'd have the path home memorized by now!)
    i want to just hop in my car and go now. this time next week i'll be preparing for an early-morning sunday or monday departure - i still haven't decided which. although if i'm feeling THIS anxious in seven days? i'll probably leave on sunday. hell. maybe even saturday if the stars are aligned.
    the majority of my possessions are sealed away haphazardly in boxes now. my battery operated boyfriends (yes, i said that in the plural sense, what of it?!) are tucked amongst important papers, a towel rack, & other unrelated items. nothing like a quickie move to make one feel even more discomBOBulated.
    so yeah. i've got another week left & i'm not looking forward to it. in addition to working out my notice & training a temp, i've got at least one important thing i have to do every day before i go.
    i don't know how i'm going to concentrate to TRAIN someone this week. my head is SO check out from that job.
    i talked to my boss for perhaps the last time on friday (as he'll be in Taipei for the next couple of weeks). he was really cool & offered me a glowing letter of recommendation if i so desired. i think i'll take him up on that - although given his track record, i'll already have started a second job by the time i receive it. God bless his little canadian heart.
    i'm gonna miss my speedo sporting european friends more than i'll miss the folks in the office that i see day in & day out. perhaps because i chose to share more with them about myself than with those on my own turf. i just wasn't in to making a lot of work friends at this job. even after joining the entertainment committee - i never attended any of the events i helped to plan... weird.
    i killed a spider on the porch earlier tonight. when i came back outside here about 20 minutes ago, it still sat squished but untouched. sometime since i began writing this, a swarm of ants appeared out of nowhere & are currently dismantling the arachnoid leg by leg. i wonder if the poison inside is harmful to the ants... if so, they're certainly showing no signs of it yet - they're happily muching away. i want to blow on them real hard & see what state the spider is in after their feast. there's something morbid about that - but i'm just curious.
    i kind of feel a kindred to that poor spider. i feel like i've been squished the past few months & then outnumbered with hungry hoards tearing in to me out of nowhere - only i can come back. i AM coming back. but the little spider is gone forever. stupid me for squishing him. ...oh who am i kidding. if i saw his cousin crawling hear me right now? i'd squash him too.
    the swarm scattered save four or five. greedy bastards. there's only one leg & a miniscule twisted trace of a carcass. tomorrow there will be nothing left. only ants running around following their leader, looking for their next fallen victim to devour.

    Sunday night 8:30pm

    i started my period last night. i'm glad to get it out of the way, but it sucks at the same time since i'm packing & its so fucking hawt outside. it has cooled off substantially this evening though. it actually feels quite nice. cool evenings after a hot day = one of the things i'll miss most about san diego.
    another thing i'll miss most is La La - my musical partner in crime. she stopped by this evening bearing gifts (booze & mojito mix - hooray!) & ice cream (for the heat). she's such a thoughtful little peach. it's like she said in the card she got me - while we haven't hung out for a terribly long time, we just have some sort of a connection. i know that she will be my long distance pen pal for years to come. ))<>(( & west coast chicas forever.
    i didn't hear from Jodeen this weekend. i'll admit that bummed me out pretty bad. i know she's probably busy with the new boy, but i'm the old girl & i'm leaving in 6 or 7 days! =( i know i'll talk to her this week, & she will make me laugh & i'll forget about it. but she better make time for me sometime this week or else!
    i want her to hook me up with Jesse on friday so i can get my hair highlighted before i go. i'm going for a Kelly Clarkson amount of highlights - so sue me. i'll either have her or Pixie do my eyebrows too. then i should get to see La La one more time before i go.
    i'm going to 80's thursday night for one last hoorah. i really wanna see Lisa again. i wish things had gone as planned so i could have hung out with her & Jon at Pride, but i had too much packing & stuff going on. my friend Michelle had invited me to the Whistlestop to catch a friends band & i didn't make that either. nor was i able to meet up with Becca when she was attempting to ride down for the evening on saturday. packing is the suck.
    all my shit is ready for the moving appraisal tomorrow. i'm hoping the quote comes down a bit. if it gets any higher i'll be at three grand & i might just chuck my shit in the streets at that point.
    but back to gayness. Anna & i have a friend in FL in his early 30's that only recently came to terms with his preference for men. he's dated & had sex with girls, and is to - the naked eye - a man's man. he even rooms with military guys. cool guys, but military nontheless. so within the past year he came out to Anna & Anna only. very recently he developed his first openly admitted man crush. (the two are strictly friends, but regardless, it was a step towards his own acceptance.) next he shared a man kiss. a couple of weeks ago, he came out to his very straight friends & roomies, who were shocked but not bothered. (one of them joked to Anna that he wanted to buy our friend an ascot as a "coming out" gift.) last night our little gay friend lost his gay virginity. after 30 years. its about damn time!
    i could not be happier for him that he's chosen to embrace who he is. this further impresses upon me, as if i ever doubted, that most people simply don't choose their feelings about what gender to love & long for companionship with. so in my way, i experienced my own gay pride this weekend.
    i read Charlie & the Chocolate Factory earlier today in one sitting. its a much quicker read than i remember from my early years. i had forgotten that the book never claimed Charlie & Grandpa Joe to have misbehaved in any way, unlike the original movie in which they dipped into the gas that made them floate until they belched their way down to safety. and the book reveals all the bratty winners that befell much-deserved candy coated tragedies during their visit all came out mostly unharmed. reading this made me want to reread James & the Giant Peach too. i have the movie, but there's something about getting lost in a book that i'm really drawn to lately. i used to be such a bookworm growing up. i think i remembered what it is i've been missing about that - my inner imagination. damn television!
    speaking of, earlier today i had my choice of car racing or golf. perfect reason to take a nap. only i grabbed the book instead. after i'd finished i realized that i could also pick up a spanish channel that was playing an old Jane Wyman film in english with spanish subtitles. i don't know the name of the movie, but her characters name was Connie & she was divorcing her husbnad that she was still in love with. at the end, & after much whimsical shenanigans, they reunited. oh the good old days.
    three nights ago i dreamed that my ex - whom i previously moved her for back in '96 - was cheating on his wife with me. every few months i have a rather vivid dream about him & i'm never quite sure what brings it on. maybe this time it was because Tina told me last weekend that he & his family (wife, kids, dogs) were moving to Denver. i dunno.
    the next night i had a bizarre dream in which Johnny Depp & i realized we were soulmates. maybe because a few nights ago i'd seen him on Jay Leno. i mean, i LIKE Johnny Depp, but its not like i obsess over him or anything. my dream he was not as famous - but he was still Johnny Depp. he was still odd & elusive but with a macabre idea of what our being soulmates meant. very black widow like. and i loved loved loved him, but had no desire to eat him - just to be his mate.
    last night i had a realationship dream too, tho my sleep was deep & troubled so i'm having difficulty putting a face to my parther. i don't think he was anyone of consquence - meaning i don't think i knew who he was. ...maybe he's someone i haven't yet met?
    ...i don't know why i'm dreaming of relationships. i'm not thinking about them during my waking life. at least not longingly. a boyfriend/partner is simply not important to me right now. but perhaps a feeling of completeness is. so maybe its connected to my going home to try & explore my settling down/creative side.
    almost 10 years later & i'm still bouncing from one coast to the other. trying to find myself. just like i'd guessed while taking one of those blasted email surveys so many years ago.

    touch me - i dare you

    Michelle is semi-retired [29 Jul 2005|03:18pm]
    [ mood | amused ]

    Directions: Type "(your name) is" with the quotes, into a Google search then pick out your favorite 10 responses. Copy, then repost your responses:

    2. Michelle is voted your pop idol
    3. Michelle is as Michelle does.
    4. Michelle is is burning her own face while competing in a modeling competition.
    5. Michelle is stacked from head to toe.
    6. Michelle is Washington state's oldest winery.
    7. ...Michelle is named after a specific pony that flies and is named Cool Breeze-she is a Windy Wing pony that has a beautiful Palm Tree on her hips.
    8. Michelle Is Not Impressed.
    9. ...Michelle is a hip-hop dancer who has dreams of seeing the world.
    10. Michelle is semi-retired.

    touch me - i dare you

    life happens / taking the high road [26 Jul 2005|11:10am]
    [ mood | optimistic ]

    i am moving August 7th/8th. i am not going to stick around for a messy/costly legal battle, and more high school drama, nor am i going to act out of spite. i am choosing to keep my mouth shut as tightly as possible & take the high road back east. this move is about bettering myself. so why not start early by letting the people have what they want? take my "home" & take it earlier than i'd planned for. its okay really - you know its never really felt like mine anyway.

    i'm excited! the only thing i'm truly bummed about is not being able to see all my friends before i go. i can see some of them locally, but i won't have a lot of time w/ packing & all. and there's absolutely no way i'll get up to l.a. to see val or dave.

    my boss is talking to HIS boss right now about what work i can do remotely, so while it won't be full time by any means, at least it might provide some pocket cash to pay my mom back for moving costs until i'm able to figure out what i want to be when i grow up. my boss is so great. i told him last thursday that i would be leaving sometime in august. and when i surprised him this morning with the news & a little back story, and apologized profusely for the short notice? he was simply "hey, i totally understand. life happens, right?"

    1 pervert| touch me - i dare you

    a note to the world [25 Jul 2005|11:12am]


    just a short note from the motherfucking cunt raggin' bulldyke [25 Jul 2005|11:03am]
    [ mood | annoyed at IMMATURITY ]

    a quote from the replacement roommate's journal in respone to my saying "no" to her & her boyfriend moving in with us a month and a half before i move out
    "her bitch of a motherfucking cunt raggin' bulldyke room mate wont let me stay there until she leaves... shes afraid that i'm going to steal stuff! i wanted to do her bodily harm.... i dont fucking steal... ARGH! sorry, i'm going to get into a bitch fight with her..."

    wow. did you have all those names for m*** & r***** whenever they backed out of letting you stay with them? i'm venturing to guess that the reason behind their decision was not too far from my own reasoning.
    i did not say specifically that you were going to steal my stuff, although my belongings were brought into the conversation. i said i wasn't comfortable with people staying there that i did not know. not to mention for an entire month & a half - the place is small in case you haven't noticed. and you guys didn't make the best first impression on me what with your crying & c***** being belligerent & everybody being drunk. if i'm trying to escape drama, do you really think i want that around me???
    k** told me she understood & that she would have felt the same way if i was asking for one of my friends from florida to stay. perhaps she told you otherwise...
    anyway, i'm not going to resort to name calling. i'll act like the adult that i am, and maybe when you've matured you'll understand my perspective. in the interim, given your feelings on me & the matter at hand, i'd appreciate your keeping your distance from my house until you become the new paying tenant... IF you do.

    reply from the replacement roommate's journal
    well, as you may or may not know they didn't, my great grandmother had died and i just wasn't able to handle living out here on my own.
    and for someone that is talking about good first impressions! you staying in your room being a moody mouse like creature hiding in your room afraid to come out. and i didn't cry btw. honestly i can understand that you would have a problem with people that you dont know staying with you, and looking back on it i'm sorry that i called you names, you had every right to say no. but honestly i was upset at the fact that we have been out here for almost a month and we keep getting screwed over at every turn. and i was told that you were supposed to be leaving in the middle of aug.
    but i'm not going to worry about it because its just not even worth my time.

    i come out of my room when i want to be a part of the company thats in my house. if i'm in my room, its because that's where i'm more comfortable at. i believe i was nice to you when you were at my home. i even sat down for a conversation about mark - which i had no interest in being a part of, but was asked my opinion on matters by both yourself & kim. i also believe i was out of my room for most of that night - both with jessica & jodeen. and its none of your business where i spend my time at my own house.
    by the way - kim was the one that told me you were crying. i couldn't hear you - i could only hear charlie gagging & complaining & getting louder. if you WEREN'T, than take it up with her.
    no, i didn't know anyone had died. i'm sorry for that, but don't see how it relates to this situation. shit happens every day. doesn't give you the right to take it out on innocent bystanders.
    i don't think its uncommon to read friends of friends journals. that's what the lj COMMUNITY is about. if you don't want something known out in the open - then perhaps you shouldn't make it public. just a thought.

    reply from the replacement roommate's journal
    well frankly, i dont think that you consider anyone as a friend, and no i dont just randomly go to my friends "friend's pages" i feel like that it's their buisness who they have as friends.
    you may have thought that you were being nice, but you gave off this presence of i'm so much better than these people why am i even here, and you may have been out that night, but that was to be with people you had over, and no one forced you to sit down and talk to us, you could have gone where ever you wanted or just stayed right where you were, i could care less. now i'm not saying that its my business where you spend your time, but it is my business that you feel the need to put your nose into my BUSINESS! so if you wouldn't mind, just go away. i never asked you to read my journal, i never invited you into that part of my life, i have never once when to your journal nor do i feel the need to.
    btw, you get what you deserve when you put your nose where it doesn't belong.

    i will most certainly leave your journal, as i've said my piece and am comfortable with how i stand on things.
    you might want to consider finding yourself a new home though - i think i've just decided to stay thru october.
    good luck!

    reply from the replacement roommate's journal
    haha oh fuckin' well, you can stay there in your misery all you want, its just too bad mommy never taught you to stay out of other peoples things. i could give a fat flying fuck how long you stay there, you can stay forever, who gives a shit! i just hope you dont miss mommy too much... *fake tear*

    i'll keep these since you seem to be deleting them. i like to keep record of threats made to me.
    btw - i'm sure that a "bitch fight" would look good on your record considering what you've just come out of back home.
    enjoy your hotel stays sweetie! $$$cha-ching!$$$

    touch me - i dare you

    fo toes [18 Jul 2005|12:25pm]
    [ mood | busy ]

    i took a gazillion pics yesterday. here are just a few. maybe not the best ones - it was really cloudy out, but the most interesting...

    my boss jason
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    nick, our new british scientist - i love this GQ looking pic
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    the whole scientist crew
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    eurotrash. the brit (nick), the german (steffen), and the frenchie (fabrice) - taunting me with their speedos
    Image hosted by

    touch me - i dare you

    testes. testes. one, two...three??? [14 Jul 2005|03:12pm]
    [ mood | i have a MASSIVE HEADACHE ]

    so i'm no pro with my camera - but its fun.
    i'm taking part in a research study tomorrow for a small amount of pocket cash & i had to do homework for it, which required my taking pics. so its came in handy so far. now if only i had time to sit down & read the manual...
    in the interim, here are some not-so-interesting shots that i will post just because i can.

    this is my cubicle buddy. it call it "hermie the hermaphrodite".
    ...they should have known better than to make the arms & legs velcro/detachable.
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    this is my laptop i got a couple of months ago. i love best buy credit. and yes, that's bettie page.
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    if you haven't already, read this now. its much better than reading my journal.
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    my new boyfriend.
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    this didn't come from my camera, but it makes me laugh.
    Image hosted by

    that is all.

    1 pervert| touch me - i dare you

    because i'm such a dork [13 Jul 2005|12:58pm]
    & i'm in severe need of therapy...

    i just pre-ordered the new harry potter book. i will be going to pick it up at midnight on friday.

    i figure, i'm aleady gonna be late with my car payment this month. so really... what is twenty more dollars?

    i know what I'LL be doing on saturday.

    touch me - i dare you

    my new toy [12 Jul 2005|09:47pm]
    [ mood | stressed ]

    Image hosted by

    Image hosted by

    hours of fun are sure to follow.

    4 perverts| touch me - i dare you

    hmmmm... [12 Jul 2005|02:47pm]
    [ mood | discontent ]

    I’ve got another confession my friend
    I’m no fool
    I’m getting tired of starting again
    Somewhere new

    Were you born to resist or be abused?
    I swear I’ll never give in
    I refuse

    Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?
    Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?
    Has someone taken your faith?
    Its real, the pain you feel
    Your trust, you must
    Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?

    something is wrong today, but i can't put my finger on it.

    maybe i'm just irritated by this whole storm stuff. its "over", but there's a lot more damage than was first expected. i've looked at aerial views of p'cola beach & neighboring cities & its just frustrating. now there's another storm a brewing - "Emily" -, but too early to tell her intentions. alls i know is, the heat index is over 100 degrees (my best friend anna said she feels "like a sweaty pair of balls in tight jeans"), and my family doesn't have any power. and their phones are out. ...but they DO have a house. and a cellphone - albeit with bad reception. and a generator for emergencies - like keeping the fridge cool. and their lives. and for that i should be thankful.

    maybe i'll feel better after i buy something. (i saw my friend lisa refer to that in a survey recently as "retail therapy". isn't that the best?) i'm going to get a digital camera after work. (thanks be to best buy for increasing my credit limit.) i have a lot of pics to take before i start again somewhere new. or not so new. and i've got a work function on sunday that i volunteered to take pics for (as opposed to participating). sounds like a bad joke, but... a canadian, a southerner, a brit, a frenchman, and a german all go surfing... that's where i'll be. at moonlight beach. easy like sunday morning.

    the downside of this is that i can't travel to l.a. to see my friend chance's gig AT the gig on saturday night. there's just no way i can drive to l.a., catch the show (even though he starts at 9), drive back to university heights, and be in encinitas at 7:45am. so i guess i'll have to wait for his next show in orlando, whenever he goes home to visit his familiars. i'll make that drive.

    last thoughts: i'm bored.

    touch me - i dare you

    random thought [10 Jul 2005|10:02pm]
    [ mood | irritated ]

    one more reason to quit drinking: i don't remember hating the smell of drunk people so bad. but yeah, i do.

    2 perverts| touch me - i dare you

    from the PNJ [10 Jul 2005|03:23pm]
    [ mood | better ]

    Dennis spares Pensacola Bay Area from Ivan-scale damageCollapse )

    touch me - i dare you

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